December 16th, 2009

“We all remember the old days, a time of peace, when the North Pole lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Antisnatter attacked. Only the Chosen One, master of beard growth and eventual fatness, could stop him! But when the world didn’t particularly need him much, he vanished. And then he came back, when the world needed him most, and boomed the Antisnatter up in a great big explosion!”

“Er, yes,” go Burgess

“A year passed, and the Antisnatter has not been heard from in that time. Three days ago, me and my elfy friends journeyed across the ice to try and track down the Antisnatter.”

“Right?” Burgess

“My friends and I discovered the Antisnatter’s remains!”

Burgess perk up at this.

“Remains? Then he is dead?”

“I don’t know!” shout duddles! “What I saw there, I didn’t fully understand!

“His body – most of it – was hanging suspended in ice! It can only mean that when he got all bumed up, the main bit of him must have been flung really hard into some ice! But, when I examined it from all angles, I saw there was a strange twisted and gnarled passage leading from the base of the Antisnatter’s corpse to a hole in the wall of the ice!”

“What!” go Burgess. “A tunnel from the corpse to the outside of the ice?”

“Yes, sir! It was as if something had dug a tunnel up to the body – – or down from it. No, not dug, melted, in some strange unworldly way! The route flowed lumpily like syrup!

“And when I looked up into it, I saw something that horrified me! The corpse was empty!”

“Empty??” go Burgess and Dooley

“Yes! It was just the skin and scraps of flesh, frozen in shape in the ice but completely hollow! His innards had been drawn out somehow through that tunnel in the ice!!”

“But that’s awful!” go Burgess! “Who can tell what manner of incantation or dreaded concoction could be made using those cursed entrails! Perhaps it has already begun – has there been any other sign of evildoing?”

Burgess, you see, stays in him grottoe all the time, so he doesn’t know what goes on in the worksop really, which is why he doesn’t know that actually, everything’s been fine and very nice!

“Actually sir,” say Dooley, “there have been strange apparitions on the ice plains. Chris has been out there – he’s out there still – and reporting back about odd characters and events he has met along the way.

“Some of us have been… wondering about those,” say one of Duddles’ little pals, “and we think some of us might have some good guesses what was going on with them.”

“But on top of that…” say Dooley “the Workshop is under attack. A group of”

blah blah and then after that he tell Burgess about the happy mutant doves that are going “cowabunga dude” and are friends with everyone, it’s not very worth listening to really.

Burgess is rooted to the spot with happiness and it being okness!

“Then the prohecy is coming to pass. So soon? How could I not have seen it?”

“The prophecy?” go Duddles, thinking about what prophecies he’s heard of. “You mean the prophecy of the Chosen One, Snatter Claus?”

“No, no, one of the other prophecies…. the one I didn’t want to tell any of you about, for it would only frighten you!”



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