December 16th, 2009

“In descending order:

12) Drummer slumming

11) Piper’s spy ping

10) Hordes all heaping

9) M80’s Pants King

8) Maid of Lilt Tins

7) Sponsored slimming

6) Priest allaying


4) Cauli burns

3) Henchmen

2) Turtle Doves

…and a partridge in a pear tree.”

“A pear tree? There aren’t any pear trees anywhere around here,” say Dooley.

“No,” say Burgess. “That gives me some solace, at least.”

“Wait tho sir, didn’t you say thirteen beacons?” ask Duddles. “That’s twelve. What else is coming?”

“The herald of our destruction!” say wise old Burgess! “Travelling on waves of Antichristmas force to mock us in the last days of our lives. He will come down to Earth in a gigantic snowball: The Silver Snatter. He will arrive before the oncoming devastation, and will reveal himself to us and bask in our suffering before the one who he serves finally arrives!”

“But sir!” go Dooley! “Who does he serve?”

“The Beast! The ruination of all things! When it arrives, it will be the end for the North Pole and all of the Earth! I have never spoken its name for fear of attracting its wrath, and I am too afraid to do so now!”

A chilling silence fill the rume.

“Sir…” say Dooley falteringly. “It isn’t called… Ron, is it?”

Burgess look confused.

“No, why?”

“Because I have a confession to make.” Ooh, and Duddles look sheepish now he hear Dooley saying this, their secret’s going to come out. “I… looked into a mystical crystal globe that showed me the future. And I heard a prediction that I… I simply couldn’t understand.”

“What did it say?” ask Burgess, trembling.

“You’ll lick Ron.”

No need to knoe what he said, I expect it’s just a lot of silly nonsense! He doesn’t have to lick anyone if he doesn’t want to! Burgess has shrunk into the corner but he’s old, he probably just sits like that now anyway all crumpled up!


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