December 10th, 2008
Cor dear! We’ve been walking around in this shopping centre for a good ten days now and still no sign of a calendar! But it isn’t lost on me that we keep getting chocolate just about every day, and now everything’s gone a bit Christmassy. And LEST we forGET, WHO was that man in the scary robes who ate the tree root that was coming out of an escalator? Remember that? I can’t help thinking that was the start of all these Christmas trees that are popping up everywhere. And WHO was the eerie man in the Accounts Office?
i suppose the only thing to do is to sit here in a grump and watch today’s story in the sand timer. But seriously, if we don’t get somewhere in the next couple of days I’m going to go a bit barmy.
well come on, stop standing on that big flat slab of rock with a brass ring on it as if you can pull it up like a trap door and come and watch the Account with me.
Here we go, the sands are swirling.
Oh yeah! Yesterday Snatter tamed the evil Christmas tree forest didn’t he! Today he’s making his way into the Forest Temple they guarded! It’s like a great big wooden tree built out of wood.
And look at how smooth all the wood is. It’s expertly carved and sanded. weee you can slide your hand right along it like creamy slippywood. wuuuuu.
Snatter goe inside. It am dark and creepy in here. It sounds like rattly things going rattle-a-rattle and synthesisers going oooo-eee and a sort of voice / pan pipe thing going “uu-heh! uu-heh! uu-hur! uu-hur!” i don’t like it it’s creepy. At least it doesn’t have any offensive chanting in.
Snatter’s trying to find whoever’s in charge of the forest temple so he picks up a torch from off the wall on the way in and goes in with it, and ooe!
Look!
Everything’s all carved out of wood even on the inside! Everything! It’s all amazing little figures and furniture and platformey bits and blocks to slide around, and all sorts of things! Lots of paintings of ghosts.
And in the middle of it, high up on a platform surrounded by ladders (not just to get to the platform, seriously there are ladd’res all over the place) is – hulloe! a lady! hulloe!
hulloe!
“Helloe!” she say. “I’m the owner of this place, Rose Suchak of Suchak Safety.”
this is familiar. this is familiar what’s this… oe! O I remember her!!
It’s Rose from Elf School! Remember, she was in the Snatavity play years ago being an angel, but boy called Beazie wanted to be it and he went a bit precious and started knocking the set over! Well now Rose is grown up, and according to This, (this being the magic Knowledge the Account’s giving me,) according to This, she’s now the head of the whole company her parents used to own, except that she is good at being in charge of it in her own right! She is the best person in the world ever at making ladders. A Rose Suchak ladder is the bestest and safest ladder you’ll ever see and most of Lapland is brand loyal to the Suchak company.
Well she learned how to make ladders first, but now She’s the world’s greatest carver of wooden things generally! What a skill to have. That’s why her base is all wood-looking.
(don’t know why her clothes are the same but bigger, that must just be Fashion)
“O man from afar, o stranger in the snattey clothes,” she say and Snatter goes “Er, it’s me, Chris.”
“What? Er,” say Rose.
“From school.”
“…What, Chris Kringle?”
“Ye!”
“BLIIIMMEEEEEEEEY,” she goe! She hasn’t seen him since ages! “Where did you went off to?? We all thought you’d died or something! We were all getting excited about graduating, but then you disappeared and we hoped you’d come back but you never did! Elf School have been holding onto your gnomey diplomey for if you ever came back!”
“I’m after the Runcible Spunes,” says Snattre unto her. “Apparently I can fight Antisnatter with them somehow.”
“Spunes you shall have” say Rose, “but first you will need something else to fight him! A NOBBLE SWORD!” <— she mean nobble as in knights and stuff not nobbly bobbly.
And so Rose set about teaching Snatter how to have incredible woodcraft skills like her! He learn and learn! It’s a bit of a montage bit! And now he is delicately carving a SWORD
He carve it… and it ready!
it is a very nobble sword at all! Rose’s skills at carving and teaching are so great that Snatter is now a hyper master of carving! He has been able to make a sword out of wood that is not only sharper and stronger than a sword made of proper sword thing, but is just as shiny as well! He has made it with special cuts and blows and shapes unknown by normal ppl! It has little bells in the pommle and when he slains things with it, the blade goes jingle-whack!
“I name this sword,” say Rose, “‘Joyeaux'”
Snatter see that even though it’s made of wood, he’s made it so well that it actually changes colour a bit as he tilts it around against the light!