December 14th, 2011

“An apple, I asked for an apple, please, if you’ve got one, although why I’d ask you for an apple I’m not entirely certain maybe that’s a clue. No? No. Silly. Do you have an apple?”

Ok ok, slow down, heard you the first time. Noe, we only have got advent calender chocklates.

“Oh. Really? Well, that’ll have to do, come on come on I don’t have much time, well I do have much time that’s the main thing I have but I was talking more in an allegorical sense and DO you mind my asking, why would there be an advent calendar… here… in space?”

wot? because it’s December.

“NO! no! That’s exactly what it isn’t! December is a concept almost entirely confined to one planet just one… planet the planet Earth, and yes, all right, once the Human species spreads out across the stars and finds it needs a single reference point for the passage of time by which to mark its calendars, non-advent ones I mean, of course, they do go through an adolescent phase of looking back to the Sol system to check what time it is like a sort of gigantic pocket-watch kept tidily in the drawer it’s always lived in and WHAT were we talking about again? Oh yes, that’s right, advent calendars. Listen carefully listen VERY…………


er, I think he was going to finish a sentence there, but instead he just seemed t–

“CAREFULLY because this may be vitally important to the continued survival of all living things in the galaxy. Why, do you know, about Christmas??”

he is very intense this bloke, I can hardly breathe after all that fast talking. Er, I noe about Christmas because it is EXTRAORDINARILY dudey, and because I am the Spirit of It.

“Yes but why, why do you know about Christmas, who told you? Christmas is something that exists confined to Earth and there shouldn’t at this point in time be any sign of it anywhere else.”

“Yes there should,” say nobbly, “and if there isn’t, then we should put it anywhere else.”

“If you like,” go man, “but that wasn’t the question. Sorry, didn’t introduce myself, I’m the Doctor, and I’m investigating a very strange set of goings on. WAIT!!”

he do a big pantomine of gasping and rolling around in surprise.


“The little dragon turn into it.” explain nobbl.

“Of course, yes, of course, fine, typical, the Charmeleon Circuit’s on the blink again, I suppose I was the last to work it out, was I, STUPID THING!” he give the box a little kick and a little rub better “you’re not a stupid thing forget I said anything RIGHT! Yes! Greetings! I am the Doctor, and I’m here to try and work out why time has gone wrong.”

O yes that’s right actually Dr, time has gone wrong, or at least people have. Most people everywhere are frozen in time, floating about!

“Well, which?”


“You can’t be frozen in time AND float about, the act of floating about requires the floater-about to be moving forwards through time, otherwise they wouldn’t float about, they’d just be frozen perfectly still!”

oe. yes, that’s true I suppose. But are you here to help them still?



“Nope! Like to, will if I can, not why I’m here. I’m investigating something else, something interacting with time in a way that isn’t ordinary and shouldn’t necessarily be encouraged. Try not to think about it, it’s simpler if you just let me get on with it and try not to get in my way. GOODBYE”

er, ok.

And he disappear back into the box.

“That was a bit frantic,” goe nobbly. Yeah nobbly it was. But I get the sense he noes what he’s on about. “Good, cause I don’t.” noe.

I think we should go and see what Snatter’s up to maybe?


^^^ hehehe. ok, let’s try.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *