March 13th, 2010
“The ritual must be carried out in precisely this way?”
“Oh absolutely I’m afraid – according to my specialist research, it really does have to be exact. Quite apart from the fact that if we put a foot wrong we’ll hop a couple of hours into the past – which would give us more time to practise, of course, but you can only jump back in time so often before you’re marooned, with a couple of years of milling around to look forward to before you can be getting on with anything – the ritual is all about poise and co-ordination. Miss a step and you’re over onto your backside.”
“I wish not to sound ungrateful, let it be understood…”
“Nono, of course my dear.”
“…but my position is one of gravitas and solemnity.”
“It won’t be, if you end up on your backside. Now come on, let’s go from where we left off.”
“It is this part of the ritual, I’m afraid, which I find the most trying. It really drives me insane.”
“Oh, just put your back into it, it’ll be fine. Works wonders for me. Look, we’ve left too big a pause now, let’s do the whole thing again, from the beginning. A-two three and!”