December 4th, 2011

Wow m80s, look at him! It is some sort of ALIEN BEING. He’s like a funny little lumpy tree-mutant! Look at him with his leafy bits and baubly bits and twiggibits! This must be his first time away from him hoem planet, maybe he was dispatched from there in that little bud! The things that we can teach one another!! A meeting of worlds! Or maybe this was him BIRTH and he is yet to knoe life!!

I will attempt to make contact.

Oe twiggliman, welcome to the living world!! U have been borm into a place of light and joye, and we can be friends, I will tell you all about what it is to be alive!! Oe, these are called WORDS, they will help us to communicate! Who are you, oe little lumpy shrubby chappy?


he said he doesn’t talk to girls, and he said it like girls is a rude word. don’t noe why this xmas tree blokey needed waking up they shold have found a polite one.

he asking who i am.

I am – and brace urself because this is a lot to take in – for i am… THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS! Welcome oe rude nobbly felloe, i bestowe to you a festive cheere!

Hm. He does not seem to be very bestowed.

“Don’t be ridicklous” he say, “you can’t be the spirit of xmas.”

Why not??

“BECAUSE, IT IS OBVIOUS WHY. Christmas is the coolest dudeyest thing there is, therefore and ergoe, all of science teaches us that the Spirit of Christmas cannot be some silly stupid girl.”

Well I am NOT SILLY STUPID, if anybody is sillystupid then it is probbly you, due to your being rude. M8s, why have you brought this chap with you from the distant past??

Oe! Looks like the nobbly boy knows M8s already, he seem excited to see him. He just sort of lolled in a cackly way and made some sort of comment about whether M8s has eaten any nice chockoes recently, M8s seem unfased. M8s, do pls explain why we needed a rude tree person here?

“Generally speaking,” M8s say, “when something goes wrong with Christmas, it’s useful to make sure he’s around.”

oe. have … have something gone wrong with christmas? 

M8s looks very harrowed. “It goes beyond Christmas this time. Way beyond. I’ll need to reassemble the team.”

ok. is it ok if i explor? We seem to be in some sort of christmassey place and I could do with a look round.

ok, he say it ok, long as we can meet up again later. That seems fine by me, M8s appears to be an ok bloke. UH! UNLIKE THIS NOBBLY BOY, who just went “RIGHT well BY then you will have to stay here because STUPID GIRLS cannot explor by themselves, they will get lost and hurt and start to CRY.”

no i WOOOON’T! You’re just stupid. I’m not just a silly girl i am the SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS. All these m80s knoe that I am. Oe!

I tell you what!

I will PROVE I’m the Spirit of Christmas. Come here nobble-boy.


All right then, hold one of these m80s’s hands while I will hold theirs. Ok? (That’s ok isn’t it m80s, you’re not IMMATURE like him and will hold hands.) Right. I will now prove I am the Spirit of Xmas, by binging us off to somewhere else. I won’t bing far, because M8s won’t be able to find us if I do, but I will use very gently my binging powers, and then you’ll see that I am NOT just silly and making up things.

Ok. Ready?



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